Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Top 10 Reasons to Fire Wade Phillips
9. He'd like to spend more time in the hot tub.
8. He secretly asked Jessica Simpson to come to all of the Cowboy's games this season.
7. He needs to work on his fist pump form.
6. He needs the time to search for last year's Dallas Cowboys.
5. The games are getting in the way of nap time.
4. He heard there was an opening as Pacman's body guard.
3. Jason Garrett has been beating him up and stealing his lunch money behind the clubhouse.
2. There is no room for a jerry jones AND a head coach in the Cowboy's locker room.
1. Wade is running out of button down Hawaiian shirts to wear at Cowboys press conferences.
Friday, October 3, 2008
In case you missed it
Check out this link...hilarious.
Thursday, September 18, 2008
NFL Pick 'em...
2. BUFFALO (-7) over Raiders- The real line should be whether or not Lane Kiffen loses his job after this game or not.
3. Tamba Bay (+3.5) over BEARS- Nothing much to say about this one. Devin Hester is hurt, What are the Bears going to do without their token kickoff return TD?
4. VIKINGS (Even) over Carolina- I hope not many fans bought Tavaris Jackson jerseys…And I hope not many buy Gus Frerotte jerseys.
5. NEW ENGLAND (-10.5) over Miami- I think the under/over for Chad Henne taking over this Miami team is about 3 quarters. I think the under/over for Ricky Williams getting high is about 3 minutes.
6. GIANTS (-10.5) over Bengals- Dos Ocho to Uno Quatro
7. Houston (+3.5) over OILE…I mean TITANS- A crazy Vince Young or a barely moving Kerry Collins…this is tough.
8. Arizona (+1) over REDSKINS-God I hate the Redskins
9. Detroit (+3) over SAN FRANSISCO -In the “Will Anyone Watch this Game Bowl”
10. SEATTLE (-6.5) over St. Louis- Nothings worse on TV than a Rams game. I’d rather watch General Hospital with my wife…okay, maybe not really.
11. DENVER (-6) over New Orleans- This will be a shootout.
12. PHILADELPHIA (even) over Pittsburgh- This will be a good game.
13. COLTS (-4) over Jacksonville- Peyton to Reggie…TOUCHDOWN!!!
14. RAVENS (+1) over Cleveland- Cleveland is almost to Bengal territory…not quite, but almost.
15. COWBOYS (-1.5) over Green Bay- Game of the year…for the second week in a row.
16. Jets (+6) over CHARGERS- This is my upset pick of the week. Lock it down!
Thursday, September 11, 2008
From the Washington Post
This important debate seems to have been inspired by Jessica Simpson's assertion last week on "Good Morning America" that the Cowboys (she's dating Cowboy quarterback Tony Romo) will kick the Eagles' butts. Simpson was largely blamed for Romo's lackluster performance toward the end of last year's season.
And while Jess herself says any talk of her jinxing Romo is "ridiculous," apparently her potent effect on the national sports landscape constitutes enough of a threat to get three seemingly intelligent men to take time out from talking plays, injuries and game strategy to consider the mounting starlet threat.
Saturday, September 6, 2008
NFL Season Prediction
NFC North - Vikings
NFC South - Saints
NFC East - Cowboys
NFC West - Seahawks
Wildcards - Eagles and Packers
AFC North - Steelers
AFC South - Colts
AFC East - Patriots
AFC West - Chargers
Wildcards - Broncos and Jaguars
NFC CHAMPION - Cowboys
AFC CHAMPION - Chargers
SUPERBOWL CHAMP - COWBOYS!!!
My Picks are in Caps.
Bengals at RAVENS
JETS at Dolphins
Chiefs at PATRIOTS
Texans at STEELERS
JAGUARS at Titans
LIONS at Falcons
SEAHAWKS at Bills
Buccaneers at SAINTS
Rams at EAGLES
COWBOYS at Browns
Panthers at CHARGERS
CARDINALS at 49ers
Bears at COLTS
VIKINGS at Packers
BRONCOS at Raiders
Get your picks in now. The winner gets to puke in Storm Cloud's closet.
Thursday, September 4, 2008
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Baylor...hahahahaha...haha...ha
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
I'm back, bitches
Second, I wanted to emphasize how much I hate you all. Whenever I'm around certain people in this group, I just want to hurt them. They are stupid, irritating, and foul-smelling. They are not cool, fun to be around people - like O.J. Simpson seems to be.
Third, I sign off with a couple pictures from a random college football game, completely picked at random, and certainly not to piss off certain individuals:
Monday, August 25, 2008
Friday, August 15, 2008
Comissioner Storm Cloud?
"Next time I’m on the phone with any of you, keep the fact that I hate you and I am wishing bad things to happen to you in the back of your mind."
"I don’t know you, but I’m going to stick a m80 up your nether regions and let it clean you out."
"Stab yourself in the eyeball till it pops."
"I told you. He pissed me off and is now my bitch. If you want to borrow him for a day or two that’s fine. He does take dictation really well."
"Learn your place [non-Fantasy player] or I will hurricane your ass like I did your little lady’s. She insulted me one time, so I retaliated. I can easily put a tornado up your ass with the snap of my fingers."
"No bite? Piss me off and I’ll make you my secretary. [The Comish] irritated me, so now he is officially my secretary. As I type, he is outside my office sitting in a little half cubicle, taking Dick..tation. "
"Technically he didn’t fuck start my face, just threatened to do so."
"[The Comish] is still the commish. I will still be the puppetmaster."
"The draft will be on a date when I tell everyone. Or I have [The Comish] tell everyone.
On a side note – the season only league for cash will have a draft sometime too. I welcome suggestions for that, although I promise I will not isten to any of them. Also – I am pretty sure I’m buying the NFL direct tv package for my monstrous tv. You are welcome to come watch, drink, and drool sometime. Lastly – light a Molotov cocktail and throw it off a wall and set yourselves on fire."
Sunday, May 25, 2008
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
My Mind is About to Explode
Friday, January 25, 2008
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
CHAMPIONSHIP BABY!!!!
Monday, November 19, 2007
Quarterback Statistics
Passing Leaders
NAME COM ATT PCT YDS YPA LNG TD TD% INT INT% SK SYD RAT
1 Tom Brady QB, NWE 250 338 74.0 3059 9.05 69 38 11.2 4 1.2 10.0 62 134.0
2 B. Roethlisberger QB, PIT 175 267 65.5 2215 8.30 45 23 8.6 8 3.0 30.0 221 107.5
3 Tony Romo QB, DAL 212 324 65.4 2848 8.79 59 27 8.3 12 3.7 13.0 93 105.6
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
Sports Illustrated Fan Value Ratings
1. Packers - Lambeau Field
2. Steelers - Heinz Field
3. Browns - Cleveland Browns Stadium
4. Lions - Ford Field
5. Ravens - M&T Bank Stadium
6. Eagles - Lincoln Financial Field
7. Seahawks - QWEST Field
8. Colts - RCA Dome
9. Titans - LP Field
10. Panthers - Bank of Amer. Stadium
11. Patriots - Gillette Stadium
12. Jaguars - Municipal Stadium
13. Broncos - INVESCO Field at Mile High
14. Texans - Reliant Stadium
15. Bills - Ralph Wilson Stadium
16. Chiefs - Arrowhead Stadium
17. Buccaneers - Raymond James Stadium
18. Saints - Louisiana Superdome
19. Bengals - Paul Brown Stadium
20. Bears - Soldier Field
21. Raiders - McAfee Stadium
22. Chargers - Qualcomm Stadium
23. Dolphins - Dolphin Stadium
24. Cardinals - Univ. of Phoenix Stadium
25. Giants - Giants Stadium
26. Cowboys - Texas Stadium
27. Rams - Edward Jones Dome
28. Redskins - FedEx Field
29. Falcons - Georgia Dome
30. 49ers - Monster Park
31. Vikings - HHH Metrodome
32. Jets - Giants Stadium
According to SI the Cowboys have sold out every home game since 1991 and the Stillers have sold out every home game since 1972. That is crazy on both accounts.
Stillers Have Top Brand in Sports
This was a study comparing loyalty of fans and brand knowledge within teams respecitve markets, using the city and immediate surrounding area as a teams market.
The Pittsburgh Steelers are the No. 1-ranked brand in sports because they dominate their market as no other team does, not because they dominate the national landscape, the way the Dallas Cowboys or New York Yankees do.
http://www.sportsbusinessjournal.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=article.main&articleId=56964
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
Award History
Robe and Wizard Hat Trophy History:
Capital Punishment 3 times
Gut Paks 2 times
I Draft Dead People 1 time
Houston Luv Ya Blue 1 time
Dallas Dominance 1 time
America's Team 1 time
Teams that are not good.
Horse's Ass Trophy history:
Vick+Dog = Incarceration 3 times
Houston Luv Ya Blue 2 times
Dallas Dominance 2 times
Capital Punishment 1 time
Steely McBeam 1 time
Pictures that are nice:
Somebody's Team is Getting Healthy!
Monday, November 5, 2007
Must See TV!! Witten is the Man!
Sunday, November 4, 2007
Week 9 Picks
2.) Chiefs -2.5 vs. Packers
3.) Cards +3.5 @ Bucs
4.) Panthers +5.5 @ Titans
5.) Falcons -3.5 vs. 49ers
6.) Saints -3 vs. Jags
7.) Lions -3 vs Broncos
8.) Bengals -1 @ Bills
9.) Chargers -7 @ Vikings
10.) Seahawks +1 @ Browns
11.) Patriots -5.5 @ Colts
12.) Raiders -3 vs. Texans
13.) Cowboys -3 @ Eagles
14.) Steelers -9 vs. Ravens
Season - 58-50-7
Thursday, November 1, 2007
Finals study(or not studying) break
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Week 8 Awards
Horse's Ass - Houston Luv Ya Blue (actually, the entire city of Houston)
The Playmaker would never hit that
After a long court hearing for her custody battle on Friday, Britney Spears hit the town with her longtime friend Alli Sims – and Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo.
The pop star, dressed in a masquerade ball mask, and Sims, first made a quick stop at the L.A. restaurant Ketchup where Romo was having dinner.
"[Spears] walked around the restaurant into the lounge where she met up with some people," an observer tells PEOPLE. "She didn't eat or drink ...[It] seemed like she was rounding up people to go [out]. She was very friendly and smiley, in and out."
Another source says, "Alli was meeting up with Tony and his friends at Ketchup and Britney wanted to come along. Tony and Alli have been good friends. They've known each other for a little over a year. "
Later, Romo met up with Sims, Spears and other pals at the Hollywood hotspot Les Deux where they hung out for a friendly low-key night upstairs.
Spears was "sitting with her friends and Tony. Everyone was just hanging out. Brit was upbeat, really seemed fine."
The following night, perhaps in a nod to her friend Romo, a source says "Sims even playfully dressed as a quarterback for Ryan Cabrera's costume party on Saturday night."
Monday, October 29, 2007
The Commish Called It - Bye Week Deal
The Cowboys and their quarterback have reached an agreement on a six-year, $67.5 million contract extension, $30 million of which is guaranteed, sources told ESPN's Ed Werder and ESPN.com's Matt Mosley on Monday.
Saturday, October 27, 2007
Week 8 Picks
2.) Bears +5 vs. Lions
3.) Colts -7 @ Panthers
4.) Dolphins +9.5 VS. Giants
5.) Titans -7.5 vs. Raiders
6.) Eagles -1 @ Minnesota
7.) Steelers -3.5 @ Bengals
8.) Jets -3 vs. Bills
9.) Texans +9 @ Chargers
10.) Bucs -3.5 vs. Jags
11.) Saints -2.5 @ 49ers
12.) Redskins +16.5 @ Pats
13.) Broncos -3 vs. Packers
Season Record 53-42-7
Baby Moma Drama
My first thought when I read this was: I bet this distracts Fitz and Boldin gets more looks. Probably not normal.
Friday, October 26, 2007
If you make fun of Bush then the terrorists have already won.
This video is such trash, I just can't believe Al Qaeda has infilrated youtube with their propaganda.
Monday, October 22, 2007
Week 7 Awards
Horse's Ass - Dallas Dominance
It gives me great pleasure to award this week's Robe and Wizard hat to myself!
Friday, October 19, 2007
Week 7 Game Lines
2.) Thurman's Thieves 118 -10.6 @ Gut Paks 107.4 +10.6
3.) Slutty Merkins 120.6 +15.7 @ Birmingham Bangers 136.4 -15.7
4.) Fist Pumpers 105.7 -7.2 @ Team Chump 98.5 +7.2
5.) Dallas Dominance 122.8 +2.3 @ Vick+Dogs= Incarceration 125.1 -2.3
6.) Dictator Thorne 129.3 -10.1 @ Steely McBeam 119.1 +10.1
7.) i draft dead people 121.2 +19.3 @ Capitol Punishment 140.5 -19.3
Week 7 Picks
2.) Saints -7.5 vs. Falcons
3.) Ravens -3 @ Bills
4.) Cowboys -9.5 vs. Vikings
5.) Patriots -16.5 @ Miami
6.) Giants -9 vs. 49ers
7.) Bucs +2 @ Detroit
8.) Titans -1 @ Texans
9.) Chiefs +3 @ Raiders
10.) Bengals -6 vs. Jets
11.) Eagles -5 vs. Bears
12.) Seahawks -8 vs. Rams
13.) Steelers -3.5 @ Broncos
14.) Colts -3 @ Jags
Last Week - 5-6-2
Season - 44-37-7
Thursday, October 18, 2007
America's Team
Two Questions
2. What is a vicarious snow-ball?
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
Peeing in inappropriate places
ooze = pee.
Second, while our football team is a mess, Baylor's athletic department is in fine shape. We are good at equestrian events, women's rugby, bulimia, and wearing nice clothes on Sunday to pretend we went to church. The last two in that list are more sports than the xgame crap I read about in the propaganda/advertising catalog rag EesPen Magazine.
As you can see, I used photographic evidence to prove all of my points. Baylor Law was definitely not a waste of money.
What's Everyone Looking At: It's Christian to Piss on a Bar
I love that an interview with a Scruffy's employee makes national news. Also, I'm not surprised that this coach went to college at the U. They sure do know how to party in Miami.
http://sports.espn.go.com/ncf/news/story?id=3065938
Score A Homerun Finds Lepprechan
Sunday, October 14, 2007
How do you prepare for an interview with a prestigious law firm?
Friday, October 12, 2007
Some Needed Encouragement
1.) Cowboys are 7-3 against the AFC.
2.) This season the Cowboys are 2-0 against the AFC East.
3.) The Cowboys are 11-7 following a road game.
4.) The Cowboys are 18-11 vs. teams with .500+ record in previous 6 games.
5.) After failing to cover the spread the previous week, the Cowboys are 22-13.
6.) Cowboys are 2-1 as a home underdog.
I feel like this game is going to be closer than a lot of people are predicting. I agree that you have to give the Patriots the edge in this matchup but if you have been listening to the "Experts" over the past week then you might think the Cowboys are 0-5 this season. In the end this game really does not mean anything as far as NFC tiebreakers is concerned. Some say it is a preview of the Superbowl but hell, both teams have yet to get to the Superbowl. The Cowboys still have a tough NFC East schedule to work through (much more difficult than the Pats AFC East schedule). Those are the games I am more concerned about. What do you guys think? Predictions? Setting all bias aside...my prediction is Cowboys 82 - Pats 0.
Thursday, October 11, 2007
Week 6 Picks
2.) Jags -6.5 vs. Texans
3.) Browns -4.5 vs. Dolphins
4.) Bears -5.5 vs. Vikings
5.) Eagles -3.5 @ Jets
6.) Ravens -9.5 vs. Rams
7.) Titans +3 @ Bucs
8.) Redskins +3 @ Packers
9.) Cardinals -4.5 vs. Panthers
10.) Cowboys +5.5 vs. Patriots
11.) Raiders +9.5 @ Chargers
12.) Seahawks -6.5 vs. Saints
13.) Giants -3.5 @ Falcons
Last week = 5-9 (got hit by the spread, missing a couple of picks by a point or so)
Season = 39-31-5
Week 6 Game Lines
Dallas Dominance 106.6 +11.8 @ Thurman's Thieves 118.4 -11.8
Fist Pumpers 73.1 +44.9 @ Slutty Merkins 118 -44.9
Dictator Thorne 121 -21.2 @ Team Chump 99.9 +21.2
Steely McBeam 102.5 +2.1 @ Houston Luv Ya Blue 104.6 -2.1
Birmingham Bangers 139.8 -42.5 @ i draft dead people 97.2 +42.5
Capitol Punishment 126.3 -4.3 @ Gut Paks 122 +4.3
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
It Will Take Luck
We all know that the ratio of Stanley Nickels to Schrute Bucks is the same of Unicorns to Leprechauns. What does that have to do with fantasy this week? Nothing really, except that when looking at this week's matchup against the Comish I realized that I will need some luck to beat the Comish. But luck just might be on my side, for example last week's victory over J-Nice would seem uneventful since I beat a team with a worse record than Norte Dame, but without a few 10+ defensive performances I would have been toast.
And just to gain a little extra luck I am going to make a quick trip to Mobile Alabama. (see video).
J-Nice 4 Star Lock of the Week
Storm Cloud not the Only One to Walk Out on his Team
As Gene Wojciechowski of ESPN notes:
"Cowboys fans poured out of the stadium in the waning minutes (I saw them... it was embarrassing)"
Tuesday, October 9, 2007
Irvin Loses It
Still looking for a good clip of the Wade Phillips fist pump. Thought this would tide you all over until I found it.
Larry Fitzgerald a Cowboy in 2008?
Monday, October 8, 2007
Monday Night Football - EA Simulation
Taking the lead from espn.com, I decided to run a simulation of tonight's monday night matchup between Dallas and Buffalo. I set the gametime to 15:00 quarters and the conditions to what it looks like they are going to be tonight. Final Score...Dallas 88, Buffalo 54. Here are the stats:
DALLAS
Score - 88
Total Offense - 1145
Rushing Yards - 425
Passing Yards - 720
First Downs - 51
PR Yards - 52
KR Yards 128
Total Yards - 1325
Turnovers 1(+3)
3rd Down Conv. - 21-60(35%)
4th Down Conv. - 0-1(0%)
2-Point Conv. - 0-0(0%)
Red Zone % - 8-28(28%)
Red Zone TD - 6
Red Zone FG - 2
Penalties 10-80
Time of Possession - 30:11
ROMO - 52-83 (62%), 720 Yards, 7 TD, 1 INT, 8.6 YPA, Long 62, Rating 113.5
JONES - 57 Att., 179 Yards, 3.1 YPC, 2 TD
BARBER - 30 Att., 98 Yards, 3.2 YPC, 0 TD
GLENN (guess I should have taken him out of the roster)- 14 Rec., 259 Yards, 3 TD
OWENS - 12 Rec., 168 Yards, 1 TD
WITTEN - 9 Rec., 117 Yards, 2 TD
CRAYTON - 5 Rec., 68 Yards, 0 TD
SPEARS - 18 Tackles, 7 TFL, 1 FF, 1 FR, 2 Sacks, 1 Safety
WARE - 13 Tackles, 1 FF, 0 Sacks
HAMLIN - 12 Tackles, 1 INT, 1 TD
ELLIS - 11 Tackles, 1 TFL, 1 Sack, 1 FF, 1 FR, 1 Int.
Saturday, October 6, 2007
I'm in love
Friday, October 5, 2007
Make Room for LeBron on the Bandwagon
Thursday, October 4, 2007
Week 5 Picks
2.) Saints -3 vs. Panthers
3.) Skins -3.5 vs. Lions
4.) Titans -8 vs. Falcons
5.) Texans -5 vs. Dolphins
6.) Steelers -6 vs. Seahawks
7.) Patriots -16.5 vs. Browns
8.) Cardinals -3.5 @ Rams
9.) Giants -3.5 vs. Jets
10.) Colts -10 vs. Bucs
11.) Broncos -1 vs. Chargers
12.) Ravens -3 @ 49ers
13.) Packers -3 vs. Bears
14.) Cowboys -10 @ Bills
Last week 11-3-0
Season 34-22-5
Week 5 Lines
Dallas Dominance 96.8 +37.3 @ Houston Luv Ya Blue 134.1 -37.3
Slutty Merkins 128.9 -11.7 @ i draft dead people 117.2 +11.7
Vick+Dogs= Incarceration 136.5 -5.7 @ Steely McBeam 130.8 +5.7
Team Chump 91.3 +10.8 @ Birmingham Bangers 102.1 -10.8
Fist Pumpers 99.7 +48.5 @ Gut Paks 148.2 -48.5
Thurman's Thieves 88.8 +67 @ Capitol Punishment 155.8 -67
Man, Soccer is really tough
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
GUARANTEED
Monday, October 1, 2007
Week 4 Wrapup
1.) Cowboys are 4-0 for the first time since 1995 (SB XXX Win over Steelers)
2.) I picked 11-3 against the spread this week after Cap. Punishment questioned some of my picks.
3.) I have tickets to the Cowboys vs. Patriots game in two weeks!!!
J-Nice 4 Star Curse of the Week
Sunday, September 30, 2007
Won't Break 50
After a strong first two weeks yours truly looks to be a repeat winner of the Horse's Ass, as of now I am relying on the Monday night performance of Eli and a kicker to help me break 50 points for the week.
In week 4 Score A Homerun had:
2 of the top 5 tacklers - Barret Rudd and Donte Whitner
#2 guy for interceptions- Kirk Morrison
Reigning Defensive Player of the Year- Jason Taylor
#1 RB in rushing yards- Willie Parker
Overall badass when he has the ball- Steve Smith
This week they totalled: 28.3 points*
I can't blame it on the fact that Hines Ward and Brandon Jacobs are out of the lineup- my fans just won't accept that. No, I must, as the coach take full responsibility, and I must, as GM and owner, fire myself as coach, and hold a fire sell of all my talent. That's right, no one is exempt from getting traded.
*Pending final league calculations.
Friday, September 28, 2007
Week 4 NFL Picks!
2.) Texans -2.5 @ Falcons
3.) Browns + 4.5 vs Ravens
4.) Lions + 3 vs Bears
5.) Packers -2 @ Vikings
6.) Cowboys -13 vs Rams
7.) Jets -3.5 @ Buffalo
8.) Bucs +3 @ Panthers
9.) Seahawks -2 @ 49ers
10.) Steelers -6 @ Cardinals ****J-Nice 4 Star Lock of the Week****
11.) Chiefs +12 @ San Diego
12.) Colts -9.5 vs. Broncos - I love the over in this game at 46.
13.) Patriots -7.5 @ Bengals
14.) Giants +3 vs. Eagles
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Week 4 Game Lines!
America's Team 113.4 +12 @ Birmingham Bangers 125.4 -12
Dallas Dominance 158.5 -30.3 @ Slutty Merkins 128.2 +30.3
Gut Paks 136.8 -8.6 @ Vick+Dogs= Incarceration 128.2 +8.6
Team Chump 115 +16.5 @ i draft dead people 131.5 -16.5
Houston Luv Ya Blue 120.7 +22.4 @ Fist Pumpers 143.1 -22.4
Capitol Punishment 165 -38.5 @ Steely McBeam 126.4 +38.5
Dictator Thorne 159.6 -50.5 @ Thurman's Thieves 109.1 +50.5
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Forecast - Cloudy with a 100% Chance of T-Storms
Friday, September 21, 2007
WEEK 3 NFL PICKS
2.) Cardinals +7.5 @ Ravens
3.) Chargers -5.5 @ Packers
4.) Colts -6 @ Texans ****J-Nice 4 Star Lock of the Week****
5.) Chiefs -2.5 vs. Vikings
6.) Patriots -16.5 vs. Bills
7.) Jets -3 vs. Dolphins
8.) Lions +6 @ Eagles
9.) Steelers -9 vs. 49ers
10.) Rams +3.5 @ Bucs
11.) Broncos -3 vs. Jags
12.) Raiders -3 vs. Browns
13.) Bengals +3.5 @ Seahawks
14.) Redskins -3.5 vs. Giants
15.) Cowboys +3 @ Bears
16.) Saints -4 vs. Titans
Last week - 8-7-1
Season - 15-13-3
Fire Fran? No way.
1.) It is not in the best interest of those kids- they have been through a lot and firing Fran would bring instability into the relationship.
2.) America would be deprived of an excellent role model.
3.) The fans- the fans love Fran, everyone wishes they could live in Fran's house.
4.) We would be setting the bar for Fran's replacement unrealistically high- if we fire someone as good at their job as Fran, there is no way a replacement will ever meet and then exceed our expectations.
Please feel free to add your own reasons for keeping Fran. Once we get like 7 reasons we will email them to the fire fran websites so they can take their sites down.
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Power Rankings
Colts: See above
Chargers I don’t care that they lost last week. If Felipe Rivers can pull his shit together teams won’t be able to key off on LT.
Cowboys: Dear Cowboys fans. Your secondary is trash and you know it. Roy Williams couldn’t cover a nude whore in church. That said, I don’t ever want to mess with Senor Romo and Co.
Ravens: Okay, this team was 14-2 last year. Noone wants to touch Rayray down the heart of that D. Improved running game. Money tight-end. QB and a wack job of a coach are the problems here.
Stillers: Sleeper of the year. Seriously, what have they lost since their superbowl winning team? Answer: Old Jerome Bettis, Overrated Joey Porter. By the way being a “vocal leader” is the most overrated quality in the history of team sports.
Texans: Solid QB. Andre Johnson is dynamite. That D is young and getting better. It seems like they are building a team the right way.
Lions: Jon “pro bowl bound” Kitna. Enough said.
Niners: Young group of stud position players playing in a weak division.
Broncos: I dunno Cutler isn’t too special yet. Still not sold on Travis Henry. Coach Shanahan is a freakin wack job. Whatever, their undefeated.
Packers: Despite any rational thought, Favre is still good. Not only that but this team is surprisingly young. They are, however, lacking in talent.
Seahawks: Listen here fishbird. Don’t you ever, ever, ever fumble on a gamecovering drive. I don’t care if you lose every game you play. DON’T FUMBLE ON A GAME COVERING DRIVE.
Bungles: Just let up 51 points to the Brownies. I would put the entire team on suicide watch.
Skins’: Fuck it. they’re 2-0.
Cardinals: Very potent offense. Coach Wisenhunt will control the time of the game and limit opposing teams offensive possessions by a commitment to the run game. This is a good thing.
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Week 3 Game Lines
Gut Paks +.8 @ America's Team -.8
Houston Luv Ya Blue +13.6 @ Birmingham Bangers -13.6
i draft dead people -0 @ Dallas Dominance +0
Slutty Merkins -10.5 @ Steely McBeam +10.5
Vick+Dogs= Incarceration +11.7 @ Capitol Punishment -11.7
Fist Pumpers +.9 @ Dictator Thorne -.9
Thurman's Thieves +9.8 @ Team Chump -9.8
As Goes The Eagles So Goes Steely McBeam
Therefore the maxim: As Goes the Eagles, So Goes Steely McBeam. The Eagles lost to Washington last night in an embarrassing display that ended with Donovan McNott responding to critics by pulling out the race card (classy), likewise J-Nice/Steely McBeam were embarrassed in the fantasy league by America's Team.
Fantasy Dispute Resolution
http://sportsjudge.com/
Monday, September 17, 2007
Weekly Awards
"Horse's Ass" (weekly low point) - Capitol Punishment
"Robe and Wizard Hat" (weekly high point) - I Draft Dead People
You can check out the history of each award in the league's trophy case.
As for the Commish's game of the week award, it was a tough decision. I was tempted at first to award it to myself for my stellar defeat of Steely McBeam. However, the game of the week is the match up between Team Chump and Luv Ya Blue.
Congrats all!
Tank Johnson a Cowboy????
The commish's wife was the first to notice this post from ESPN's Matt Mosley during his in game chat during the Beagles game.
Tonight's Monday Night Football match up between the Beagles and the Redskins has a number of fairly interesting story lines. The obvious one of course is the fact that this is the home opener for the Philadelphia Beagles and against a division rival. However, there is a more subtle storyline that you all may not be aware of...this game is the final quarter of a fantasy showdown between America's Team (owned by me of course) and Steely McBeam (owned by J-Nice). The current score stands at America's Team - 113, Steely McBeam 112. My team will be led tonight by Clinton Portis and London Fletcher while Steely McBeam will be looking for a big game from Santana Moss. At the end of the game I may have to accuse J-Nice of stealing my defensive signals and refer the matter to the commissioner which just so happens is myself. He can expect at least a $500,000 fine if the allegations prove to my satisfaction to be true. Of course this penalty will be nothing compared to the penalty I will impose on Score a Homerun should I find that his "problem" is as bad as I suspect it is.
Sunday, September 16, 2007
Do YOU have a problem?
Did you ever lose time from work or school due to gambling?
Has gambling ever made your home life unhappy?
Have you ever felt remorse after gambling?
Did gambling cause a decrease in your ambition or efficiency?
After losing did you feel you must return as soon as possible and win back your losses?
After a win did you have a strong urge to return and win more?
Did you often gamble until your last dollar was gone?
Did you ever borrow to finance your gambling?
Were you reluctant to use "gambling money" for normal expenditures?
Did gambling make you careless of the welfare of yourself or your family?
Did you ever gamble longer than you had planned?
Have you ever committed, or considered committing, an illegal act to finance gambling?
Have you ever considered self destruction or suicide as a result of your gambling?
Week 2 Picks
2.) Steelers -10 vs. Bills
3.) Bengals -7 @ Browns ****J-Nice 4 star lock of the week****
4.) Packers +1.5 @ Giants
5.) Colts -7 @ Titans
6.) Texans +6.5 @ Panthers
7.) Saints -3 @ Bucs
8.) Rams -3 vs. 49ers
9.) Cowboys -3.5 @ Dolphins
10.) Lions -3 vs. Vikings
11.) Chiefs +12 @ Bears (to cover)
12.) Jets +10 @ Ravens (to cover)
13.) Seahawks -2.5 @ Cards
14.) Raiders +9.5 @ Broncos
15.) Eagles -7 vs. Redskins
16.) Patriots -3 vs. Chargers
Current Record = 7-6-2 (Win-Loss-Push)
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Best Football Commercial Ever?
Great cinematography, soundtrack, and final scene (you can see Steely McBeam in the background).
America's Team = World's Most Valuable Franchise
Just read an interesting article on ESPN.com that confirms the reality that the Cowboys are the best sports franchise in the world!!
Week 2 Picks (Week 1 Results)
Week 2 (home teams capitalized):
Buffalo (+9.5) over STEELERS
Cincinnati (-7) over CLEVELAND
Houston (+6.5) over CAROLINA
ST. LOUIS (-3) over San Francisco
GIANTS (-1) over Green Bay
Atlanta (+10.5) over JACKSONVILLE
New Orleans (-4) over TAMPA BAY
DETROIT (-3) over Minnesota
Dallas (-4) over MIAMI
Seahawks (-3) over ARIZONA
Jets (+10) over RAVENS
DENVER (-10) over Oakland
CHICAGO (-12.5) over Kansas City
San Diego (-4) over NEW ENGLAND
*Jay nice 4 star pick of the century: Colts (-7) over Tennessee-lock it in, take it to the bank.
KNOWYOURDALLASCOWBOYS.com
Week 2 Lines
The week 2 fantasy lines are up:
1.) America's Team -36 at Steely McBeam
2.) Birmingham Bangers -28.9 at Vick+Dogs=Incarceration
3.) Dallas Dominance +40.1 at Fist Pumpers
4.) Capitol Punishment -6.8 at Slutty Merkins
5.) Gut Paks -17.6 at Dictator Thorne
6.) Houston Luv Ya Blue -8.7 at Team Chump
7.) I Draft Dead People -16.8 at Thurman's Thieves
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Storm Cloud's Week One Losers
This Week's Awards:
Offensive Pudknocker of the Week goes to.......Steven Jackson
With 2.1 fantasy points, and 2.0 fumbles, he was definitely a disappointment for America's Team. I find this particularly satisfying since I got to see the Commish pissed all day Sunday.
Defensive Pudknocker of the week goes to....DeMarcus Ware (as much as it pains me to say that)
I love the guy, but with only 2 fantasy points, 2 tackles, no sacks, he was the disappointment of the week defensively. (This pic is me trying to indoctrinate my nephew into the greatness of God's Team).
And the last award, the "Iggles Suck Balls" goes to....Greg Lewis and J.R. Reed
Both Greggie and JR fumbled punts, (JR isn't even cool enough to get a picture on NFL.com) JR was also released this week, which actually lowered the talent level on the Iggles.
Those are my cool guy picks of the week. Nominations are accepted anytime, and will not be listened to at all because you are not as smart as me.
-SC
Joe Namath Drunk
Great article from Kissing Suzy Kolber so I thought I would post the interview that was the genesis for that great sports blog.
Sunday, September 9, 2007
I Hate Fantasy Football!
Friday, September 7, 2007
Week 1 Predictions
Broncos(-3); Chiefs(+3); Dolphins(+3); Eagles(-3); Jaguars(-6.5); Jets(+6.5); Vikings(-3); Rams(-1); Chargers(-6); Raiders(-2); Seahawks(-6); Cowboys(-6); Ravens(+2.5); 49rs(-3).
I am starting a new pick of the week category that I consider to be a complete lock, we will call it the "J-Nice 4 Star Lock of the Century." - Steelers(-4.5)
Thursday, September 6, 2007
Dear Peyton, You're gay.
Am I the only one that has a deep burning hate of Peyton Manning? Don’t get me wrong it must be tough growing up with a brother with down syndrome. But that’s no excuse to invade my home every commercial break. I hate that long dopey southern boy look. He’s not funny. He is a douche. There is no need to fake a seizure every time you call a damn audible. I have seen quarterbacks call audiles, and they don’t swallow their tongue and waive their arms around life a fucking retard. It’s just unnecessary. I’m also not a fan of how every person every to step into a booth jerks Peyton off every time he completes a pass. Jerking off douchey quarterbacks is not cool. In fact, I hate the entire Manning family, especially the retarded one(but not b/c he’s retarded). Archie manning sucked on sucky team. I even hate their gay first names. And those names are very gay. Feel free to add your own reasons why you hate Peyton or any other douche.
Week 1 Fantasy Football Lines
1.) Capitol Punishment +.3 @ America's Team -.3
2.) Gut Paks +.3 @ Steely McBeam -.3
3.) Dictator Thorne +6 @ Birmingham Bangers -6
4.) Houston Luv Ya Blue +1.1 @ Vick+Dogs=Indictment -1.1
5.) Team Chump -2.9 @ Dallas Dominance +2.9
6.) I draft dead people +17.3 @ Fist Pumpers -17.3
7.) Thurman's Thieves -19.1 @ Slutty Merkins +19.1
Matchup of the week....a tie between Gut Paks @ Steely McBeam & Capitol Punishment @ America's Team. Gut Paks @ Steely McBeam for obvious shit talking reasons. Capitol Punishment @ America's Team is the fantasy football equivalent of the Bowden Bowl. I am going to make Capitol Punishment scream "your my daddy" so the analogy works. Good luck all!
Wednesday, September 5, 2007
Perhaps a mechanic was an idea they couldve pursued...
Wed Sep 5, 2007 2:22AM EDT
KATHMANDU (Reuters) - Officials at Nepal's state-run airline have sacrificed two goats to appease Akash Bhairab, the Hindu sky god, following technical problems with one of its Boeing 757 aircraft, the carrier said Tuesday.
Nepal Airlines, which has two Boeing aircraft, has had to suspend some services in recent weeks due the problem.
The goats were sacrificed in front of the troublesome aircraft Sunday at Nepal's only international airport in Kathmandu in accordance with Hindu traditions, an official said.
"The snag in the plane has now been fixed and the aircraft has resumed its flights," said Raju K.C., a senior airline official, without explaining what the problem had been.
Local media last week blamed the company's woes on an electrical fault. The carrier runs international flights to five cities in Asia.
It is common in Nepal to sacrifice animals like goats and buffaloes to appease different Hindu deities."
Open Letter from T.O.
To All ESPN Fantasy Team Owners,
2007 is going to be a great year … for me and the Dallas Cowboys.
I came into training camp in excellent shape, feeling good about our prospects for the season and proud to be part of the great Dallas Cowboys tradition.
I want to help your fantasy team win its league title … and that means generating huge statistics. This year our offense is set up to make big plays. We worked hard during the preseason and we're going to connect on a lot of touchdowns. Coach and I are on the same page. He understands my role and how I can help us win.
So here is my pledge to all ESPN fantasy owners who draft me in 2007:
I will catch the ball.
I will score touchdowns.
I will have a great season.
Did you see the preseason game against Houston? One touch, one touchdown. That's how it's going to be all year long. I'm aiming for 100 catches, 1,500 yards and at least 20 touchdowns. With our quarterback passing the ball, this is entirely possible.
And speaking of my QB … you might as well draft him too, because he's going to the Pro Bowl this year.
Put me on your team and you won't be disappointed. I am going to help you win your fantasy league this season.
Sincerely,
Terrell Owens, No. 81
Friday, August 31, 2007
Offshore Update #2
Despite taking an early hit with Buffalo getting destroyed by Rutgers 38-3 (spread was 31), J-Nice, Stormcloud, and I rebounded nicely the rest of the night hitting on Tulsa, LSU, and Oregon St. Season record so far 3-1. Not a bad start at all. We will have to see what fortunes lady luck brings tonight.
Thursday, August 30, 2007
Offshore Update #1
Tulsa -3.5 at UL Monroe
LSU - 19.5 at Miss St.
Buffalo +31.5 at Rutgers.
Following my most sucessful season of betting last year (breaking even), we will have to see how things go this year.
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
True Smack Talk
Heard some top chef smack talk that I thought would get us all back in the spirit of true smack talk. Upon making it to the finals, the top two chefs, archnemesis, had the following exchange...
Ilan - "I can't wait to make you cry tomorrow."
Marcel - "Its going to take more than a little paprika to make me cry."
Ilan - "There is more than just paprika in my kitchen."
OOOOOOHHHHHHH SNAP!
Monday, August 27, 2007
Tradegate
A trade was proposed. A trade was accepted. A trade was approved by the league by majority vote. And then the traitor declared that "a" button (singular) was accidentally pushed.
Sure, "a button" was pushed, but how many pushes, clicks, or cursor blinks came to pass in this transaction before the final, fateful click? Is it possible for one single, solitary click of a button to select four separate players from one team, two from another, and then propose to trade said players? Perhaps...perhaps. Just like, perhaps a button was accidentally pushed by the Germans when their fleet of Kamakazi's bombed Pearl Harbor...perhaps...perhaps.
I will leave you all with a story told by my monsignor at that last supper holiday thing that us catholics celebrate (this is a verbatim quote): "And I am reminded, on this holy day, of the sad story of Kitty Genovese. As you all may remember, a long time ago, almost thirty years ago, this poor soul cried out for help time and time again, but no person answered her calls. Though many saw, no one so much as called the police. They all just watched as Kitty was being stabbed to death in broad daylight. They watched as her assailant walked away. Now, we must all fear evil men. But there is another kind of evil which we must fear most, and that is the indifference of good men. "
Saturday, August 25, 2007
Cowboys Blog
Fantasy Central
Tuesday, August 7, 2007
Since this is a dynasty league...figured I would start scouting early!
Thanks for the clip Capitol Punishment...definately know who I am drafting in 13 years.
Thursday, August 2, 2007
Friday, July 27, 2007
Oh...forgot to mention!
Training Camp Report
As Jacob requested here is my report from Cowboys training camp. I sat in on both practices on Thursday. The morning practice was in full pads and the afternoon practice was in shoulder pads. In the morning there were somewhere around 4,000 spectators and in the afternoon the number grew to around 8,000. T.O. is of course the star of training camp and is the last one on the field before practice starts. As soon as he exits the tunnel on to the field the Alamodome erupts. The only player who comes close to getting the type of reception T.O. does is Romo. D-Ware is going to have a sick season. He has definately gotten bigger and stronger over the offseason while at the same time looking as if he lost weight.
The play of the day had to have been a handoff to Marion Barber on a stretch play that got strung out close to the sideline when Bradie James came in and literally knocked Barber's helmet off. Good thing Barber had all those dreadlocks to cushion the blow.
Romo seemed to be having trouble completing passes to WRs but was on the money to both Witten and Fasano across the middle. It actually looks like we are going to look to Fasano as a viable receiving target this year.
On another note...I definately choose the wrong profession. Why the hell am I not an NFL kicker. They by far have the easiest jobs in the world. They come out, stretch with the team and then proceed to stand and talk to each other on the sideline all practice. Occasionally on a break one of them will get a chance to kick 2 or three field goals and maybe boot a punt or two. Not that we need to focus on the kicking game...I mean it hasn't cost us any games or anything.
Thursday, July 26, 2007
Carrie Underwood Debate
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Good Times
Is that me in the background laughing at the Eagles fan? I was definately at this game but I know I have never owned a Keyshawn jersey.
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
J-Nice's First Round Pick: Chris Hansen
This pick is pure gold. Fucking gold. While all your pussy wide receivers are catching touchdown passes and having 100 yard receiving games I'm gonna be catching predators like a motherfucker. Hansen is where its at and you all are gonna need to recognize. Let's have a closer look at Hansen's game. Hansen is very capable of multiple predator games, and we all know how huge that can be. And don't overlook Hansen's versatility. Hansen's rookie campaign also included the caputuring of ID thiefs. Later in the year, after all you dumbasses have passed on Hansen and are begging me for a trade, you only have yourself to blame and you will only have one thing to say..."oops".
IDP RULES
each sack - 3 points
fumble return TD - 6 points
int return TD - 6 points
blocked kick return TD - 6 points
blocked kick - 3 points
each int - 3 points
each fumble recovered - 3 points
each fumble forced - 1 point
each safety - 6 points
each assisted tackle - .5 points
each solo tackle - 1 point
each tackle for loss - .5 bonus point
each pass defended - .5 point
each Demarcus Ware Sack - automatic loss for any team owned by a non-cowboys fan
Sunday, July 22, 2007
Housekeeping Matters
Sweetness
Saturday, July 21, 2007
Demarcus Ware Dallas Cowboys Highlight Video
About 2 minutes in...some chump QB for the Beagles gets owned
Thursday, July 19, 2007
Storm Coming
I can't believe Storm Cloud didn't tell us he had his own music video. Shame on you Stormy
I Own J-Nice
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
Monday, July 16, 2007
Kickholder
Sunday, July 15, 2007
Photo Shop Posts
Bad Day for Timeteo and Aggie05
As a result, Timeteo and Aggie05 didn't get to participate in the pre-game warmup dance, that they so love.
Poor Aggies. Poor, poor Aggies.