Week 8 Results

This Week - 5-8
Season - 58-50-7

Week 8 Awards

Robe and Wizard Hat - Gut Paks
Horse's Ass - Houston Luv Ya Blue (actually, the entire city of Houston)

The Playmaker would never hit that

After a long court hearing for her custody battle on Friday, Britney Spears hit the town with her longtime friend Alli Sims – and Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo.

The pop star, dressed in a masquerade ball mask, and Sims, first made a quick stop at the L.A. restaurant Ketchup where Romo was having dinner.

"[Spears] walked around the restaurant into the lounge where she met up with some people," an observer tells PEOPLE. "She didn't eat or drink ...[It] seemed like she was rounding up people to go [out]. She was very friendly and smiley, in and out."

Another source says, "Alli was meeting up with Tony and his friends at Ketchup and Britney wanted to come along. Tony and Alli have been good friends. They've known each other for a little over a year. "

Later, Romo met up with Sims, Spears and other pals at the Hollywood hotspot Les Deux where they hung out for a friendly low-key night upstairs.

Spears was "sitting with her friends and Tony. Everyone was just hanging out. Brit was upbeat, really seemed fine."

The following night, perhaps in a nod to her friend Romo, a source says "Sims even playfully dressed as a quarterback for Ryan Cabrera's costume party on Saturday night."

The Commish Called It - Bye Week Deal

The Cowboys and their quarterback have reached an agreement on a six-year, $67.5 million contract extension, $30 million of which is guaranteed, sources told ESPN's Ed Werder and ESPN.com's Matt Mosley on Monday.

What's that Cleveland?

Week 8 Picks

1.) Rams +3 vs. Browns
2.) Bears +5 vs. Lions
3.) Colts -7 @ Panthers
4.) Dolphins +9.5 VS. Giants
5.) Titans -7.5 vs. Raiders
6.) Eagles -1 @ Minnesota
7.) Steelers -3.5 @ Bengals
8.) Jets -3 vs. Bills
9.) Texans +9 @ Chargers
10.) Bucs -3.5 vs. Jags
11.) Saints -2.5 @ 49ers
12.) Redskins +16.5 @ Pats
13.) Broncos -3 vs. Packers

Season Record 53-42-7

Baby Moma Drama

My first thought when I read this was: I bet this distracts Fitz and Boldin gets more looks. Probably not normal.

If you make fun of Bush then the terrorists have already won.

This video is such trash, I just can't believe Al Qaeda has infilrated youtube with their propaganda.

Week 7 picks

This week - 9-5
Season - 53-42-7

Week 7 Awards

Robe and Wizard Hat - America's Team
Horse's Ass - Dallas Dominance

It gives me great pleasure to award this week's Robe and Wizard hat to myself!

Week 7 Game Lines

1.) Houston Luv Ya Blue 119.5 +25 @ America's Team 144.5 -25
2.) Thurman's Thieves 118 -10.6 @ Gut Paks 107.4 +10.6
3.) Slutty Merkins 120.6 +15.7 @ Birmingham Bangers 136.4 -15.7
4.) Fist Pumpers 105.7 -7.2 @ Team Chump 98.5 +7.2
5.) Dallas Dominance 122.8 +2.3 @ Vick+Dogs= Incarceration 125.1 -2.3
6.) Dictator Thorne 129.3 -10.1 @ Steely McBeam 119.1 +10.1
7.) i draft dead people 121.2 +19.3 @ Capitol Punishment 140.5 -19.3

Week 7 Picks

1.) Cardinals +9 @ Washington
2.) Saints -7.5 vs. Falcons
3.) Ravens -3 @ Bills
4.) Cowboys -9.5 vs. Vikings
5.) Patriots -16.5 @ Miami
6.) Giants -9 vs. 49ers
7.) Bucs +2 @ Detroit
8.) Titans -1 @ Texans
9.) Chiefs +3 @ Raiders
10.) Bengals -6 vs. Jets
11.) Eagles -5 vs. Bears
12.) Seahawks -8 vs. Rams
13.) Steelers -3.5 @ Broncos
14.) Colts -3 @ Jags

Last Week - 5-6-2
Season - 44-37-7

America's Team

As if you needed further proof that the Cowboys are America's Team, here is some interesting news...The Cowboys game on Sunday drew 29.1 million viewers and became the most watched NFL Sunday Game in 11 Years. Oddly enough the game 11 years ago that drew more viewers was the November 10, 1996 showdown between the Cowboys and the 49ers that drew 29.7 million viewers. The Cowboys/Pats game is the highest rated television program of the season so far. The Cowboys also hold the season ratings records for each network this season except Fox.

Two Questions

1. What is the connection between Adrian Peterson and Nate Newton?

2. What is a vicarious snow-ball?

Peeing in inappropriate places

First off - anyone who has been in Scruff's likely would question whether that was urine or just the general ooze that seeps out of that places' pores. If they don't have video of him peeing I'm not going to believe it.
ooze = pee.

Second, while our football team is a mess, Baylor's athletic department is in fine shape. We are good at equestrian events, women's rugby, bulimia, and wearing nice clothes on Sunday to pretend we went to church. The last two in that list are more sports than the xgame crap I read about in the propaganda/advertising catalog rag EesPen Magazine.


As you can see, I used photographic evidence to prove all of my points. Baylor Law was definitely not a waste of money.

What's Everyone Looking At: It's Christian to Piss on a Bar

This little gem after Storm Cloud told me the Athletic Dept. is in great shape last night. Yeah right. Try and tell me I couldn’t run a better athletic department than that Canuck. Baylor's Athletic department is a tragedy.

I love that an interview with a Scruffy's employee makes national news. Also, I'm not surprised that this coach went to college at the U. They sure do know how to party in Miami.

http://sports.espn.go.com/ncf/news/story?id=3065938

Score A Homerun Finds Lepprechan

"I want the Gold! Where is the GOLD?" That was Incarceration's rally cry as he jumped on the Wes Welker bandwagon and rode it to victory this week. The curse of the J-Nice 4 Star Lock continues...Its almost like being a sports team from Houston or Philadelphia.

Week 6 Awards

Horse's Ass - Houston Luv Ya Blue
Robe and Wizard Hat - Capitol Punishment

How do you prepare for an interview with a prestigious law firm?

Since the name of our league is sports, booze, and law I thought I would comment on our commish addressing the cross-roads of our namesake. Some people prepare for an interview by looking up partner profiles on-line and going to sleep early to appear well-rested for the interview next day. But what do you do when your team is playing in the biggest game of the year (Superbowl 41.5) the day before an interview. Well fortunately we have an answer to that question. The answer is this: buy tickets to the game, tailgate all day, booze before, during, and after the game, then handle that pesky interview the next day. I respect the dedication.

Some Needed Encouragement

With every "expert" not giving the Cowboys a chance this week against the mighty Patriots I thought I would try and see if I could find something that might encourage us all. Here are some recent trends and stats dating back to the 2005 season.

1.) Cowboys are 7-3 against the AFC.
2.) This season the Cowboys are 2-0 against the AFC East.
3.) The Cowboys are 11-7 following a road game.
4.) The Cowboys are 18-11 vs. teams with .500+ record in previous 6 games.
5.) After failing to cover the spread the previous week, the Cowboys are 22-13.
6.) Cowboys are 2-1 as a home underdog.

I feel like this game is going to be closer than a lot of people are predicting. I agree that you have to give the Patriots the edge in this matchup but if you have been listening to the "Experts" over the past week then you might think the Cowboys are 0-5 this season. In the end this game really does not mean anything as far as NFC tiebreakers is concerned. Some say it is a preview of the Superbowl but hell, both teams have yet to get to the Superbowl. The Cowboys still have a tough NFC East schedule to work through (much more difficult than the Pats AFC East schedule). Those are the games I am more concerned about. What do you guys think? Predictions? Setting all bias aside...my prediction is Cowboys 82 - Pats 0.

Week 6 Picks

1.) Bengals -3 @ Chiefs
2.) Jags -6.5 vs. Texans
3.) Browns -4.5 vs. Dolphins
4.) Bears -5.5 vs. Vikings
5.) Eagles -3.5 @ Jets
6.) Ravens -9.5 vs. Rams
7.) Titans +3 @ Bucs
8.) Redskins +3 @ Packers
9.) Cardinals -4.5 vs. Panthers
10.) Cowboys +5.5 vs. Patriots
11.) Raiders +9.5 @ Chargers
12.) Seahawks -6.5 vs. Saints
13.) Giants -3.5 @ Falcons

Last week = 5-9 (got hit by the spread, missing a couple of picks by a point or so)
Season = 39-31-5

Week 6 Game Lines

America's Team 133.8 -17.8 @ Vick+Dogs=Incarceration 116 +17.8
Dallas Dominance 106.6 +11.8 @ Thurman's Thieves 118.4 -11.8
Fist Pumpers 73.1 +44.9 @ Slutty Merkins 118 -44.9
Dictator Thorne 121 -21.2 @ Team Chump 99.9 +21.2
Steely McBeam 102.5 +2.1 @ Houston Luv Ya Blue 104.6 -2.1
Birmingham Bangers 139.8 -42.5 @ i draft dead people 97.2 +42.5
Capitol Punishment 126.3 -4.3 @ Gut Paks 122 +4.3

It Will Take Luck

We all know that the ratio of Stanley Nickels to Schrute Bucks is the same of Unicorns to Leprechauns. What does that have to do with fantasy this week? Nothing really, except that when looking at this week's matchup against the Comish I realized that I will need some luck to beat the Comish. But luck just might be on my side, for example last week's victory over J-Nice would seem uneventful since I beat a team with a worse record than Norte Dame, but without a few 10+ defensive performances I would have been toast.

And just to gain a little extra luck I am going to make a quick trip to Mobile Alabama. (see video).

J-Nice 4 Star Lock of the Week

Because of the failures of the past few weeks some lesser men might shy away from making a J-Nice 4 Star lock. I am not such a man. This week I am going to make the J-Nice 4 Star Lock of the week what it was always meant to be...a beacon of certainty in an uncertain world. So without further ado...this week's J-Nice 4 Star Lock of the week is America's Team over Incarceration. Lock it down. I am guaranteeing victory. I can assure all the fans of America's Team out there that my players are not overlooking this important matchup this week. My players will be well prepared and focused. Prediction America's Team 140.3 - Incarceration 82.1.

Storm Cloud not the Only One to Walk Out on his Team

SC was not the only one to walk out on his team Monday night. He was just the most pre-mature(3rd quarter).

As Gene Wojciechowski of ESPN notes:

"Cowboys fans poured out of the stadium in the waning minutes (I saw them... it was embarrassing)"

Irvin Loses It

Still looking for a good clip of the Wade Phillips fist pump. Thought this would tide you all over until I found it.

Larry Fitzgerald a Cowboy in 2008?

There are whispers in blogosphere about Larry Fitzgerald's unhappiness in Arizona and about the Cowboys interest in bringing him to the BIG D, potentially giving Arizona a first day draft pick. That would be an interesting move. Imagine a roster of T.O., Fitzgerald, Witten, and Barber!

Week 5 Awards!

Robe and Wizard Hat - Houston Luv Ya Blue
Horse's Ass - Dallas Dominance

Unbelievable!!!!!

Make photo slide shows at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Thanks to Kickholder for an inspirational video...where do the BOYS go from here?

Monday Night Football - EA Simulation

Taking the lead from espn.com, I decided to run a simulation of tonight's monday night matchup between Dallas and Buffalo. I set the gametime to 15:00 quarters and the conditions to what it looks like they are going to be tonight. Final Score...Dallas 88, Buffalo 54. Here are the stats:

DALLAS
Score - 88
Total Offense - 1145
Rushing Yards - 425
Passing Yards - 720
First Downs - 51
PR Yards - 52
KR Yards 128
Total Yards - 1325
Turnovers 1(+3)
3rd Down Conv. - 21-60(35%)
4th Down Conv. - 0-1(0%)
2-Point Conv. - 0-0(0%)
Red Zone % - 8-28(28%)
Red Zone TD - 6
Red Zone FG - 2
Penalties 10-80
Time of Possession - 30:11

ROMO - 52-83 (62%), 720 Yards, 7 TD, 1 INT, 8.6 YPA, Long 62, Rating 113.5
JONES - 57 Att., 179 Yards, 3.1 YPC, 2 TD
BARBER - 30 Att., 98 Yards, 3.2 YPC, 0 TD
GLENN (guess I should have taken him out of the roster)- 14 Rec., 259 Yards, 3 TD
OWENS - 12 Rec., 168 Yards, 1 TD
WITTEN - 9 Rec., 117 Yards, 2 TD
CRAYTON - 5 Rec., 68 Yards, 0 TD
SPEARS - 18 Tackles, 7 TFL, 1 FF, 1 FR, 2 Sacks, 1 Safety
WARE - 13 Tackles, 1 FF, 0 Sacks
HAMLIN - 12 Tackles, 1 INT, 1 TD
ELLIS - 11 Tackles, 1 TFL, 1 Sack, 1 FF, 1 FR, 1 Int.

J-Nice's Guarantee.

So...what happened?

You know what pumps me up? MAGIC!!!!

I'm in love

Here's some good advice. Or at least a good _____.....

http://www.fantasysportsgirl.net/fantasygirl/index.html

Make Room for LeBron on the Bandwagon

Just heard that LeBron's favorite sports teams are:

1.) Cowboys
2.) Yankees
3.) Bulls

How much like the afghani's boyfried does this sound? Just throw the Spurs in there and you just about have the bandwagon covered.

Week 5 Picks

1.) Chiefs +2 vs. Jags
2.) Saints -3 vs. Panthers
3.) Skins -3.5 vs. Lions
4.) Titans -8 vs. Falcons
5.) Texans -5 vs. Dolphins
6.) Steelers -6 vs. Seahawks
7.) Patriots -16.5 vs. Browns
8.) Cardinals -3.5 @ Rams
9.) Giants -3.5 vs. Jets
10.) Colts -10 vs. Bucs
11.) Broncos -1 vs. Chargers
12.) Ravens -3 @ 49ers
13.) Packers -3 vs. Bears
14.) Cowboys -10 @ Bills

Last week 11-3-0
Season 34-22-5

Week 5 Lines

Dictator Thorne 144.7 -23.1 @ America's Team 121.6 +23.1
Dallas Dominance 96.8 +37.3 @ Houston Luv Ya Blue 134.1 -37.3
Slutty Merkins 128.9 -11.7 @ i draft dead people 117.2 +11.7
Vick+Dogs= Incarceration 136.5 -5.7 @ Steely McBeam 130.8 +5.7
Team Chump 91.3 +10.8 @ Birmingham Bangers 102.1 -10.8
Fist Pumpers 99.7 +48.5 @ Gut Paks 148.2 -48.5
Thurman's Thieves 88.8 +67 @ Capitol Punishment 155.8 -67

For your viewing pleasure...

Schrute Bucks vs. Stanley Nickels

Man, Soccer is really tough

Watch the hit that a fan puts on AC Milan's goalie. Maybe we should switch to fantasy soccer because those guys are really tough.

GUARANTEED

I guarantee an ass-beating of Vick’s puppies. I will punish him. Vick will lose. I will win. Unlike the recent guarantee of Joey Porter and Isaac Bruce, this is not an empty guarantee. Instead, this guarantee has force. This guarantee is backed by the power and muscle of Steely McBeam. That is the kind of guarantee that comes through. So I suggest this to prevent Vick any embarrassment: run away. Far away. Go cry to your mother and tell her you were beaten up by a big scary bully. And when you’re crying think of the pain and shame that you have forgone and maybe that will bring you some happiness, because other than that you will have no pleasure this weekend.

Week 4 Wrapup

Week 4 is behind us and here is where things stand:

1.) Cowboys are 4-0 for the first time since 1995 (SB XXX Win over Steelers)
2.) I picked 11-3 against the spread this week after Cap. Punishment questioned some of my picks.
3.) I have tickets to the Cowboys vs. Patriots game in two weeks!!!

J-Nice 4 Star Curse of the Week

10-3 on my picks for Sunday. The curse of the J-Nice Four Star Lock of the Week continues. In other news...Romo is damn good.